WARNING: Pixie Infestation

Last week, a pixie was found by one of the janitors in the 300 hallway. On Monday, another pixie was found by the locker rooms. Pixies are known to be mischievous and potentially evil creatures. An expert was invited to inspect the school for signs of any other mythical creatures. Unfortunately, Knight’s News was denied access to the confidential results.

Pixies, only four inches tall and hard to spot, are uncommon in New Jersey, but it is suspected that they came from the Teterboro Airport nearby. The extent of the pixie infestation is uncertain. Pixies are known to travel in large groups and multiply rapidly. While the situation is being dealt with, it is strongly recommended that students take some precautions to ensure everyone’s safety in the building.

First, avoid bringing fruit, nectar, and pollen to school for the next two to three weeks since pixies have an exceptional sense of smell. The possibility of luring out a pixie is slim, but as a safety precaution, do not bring nectar, pollen, or any other sweet substances within school grounds.

Also, to protect oneself, carry around a small silver object. According to scientific studies, Pixies are allergic to silver, so by carrying a silver item, such as a silver coin, silverware, or a silver urn, the probability of a pixie attack is reduced by 27%.

Remember, always keep an eye out for any tiny critters in the hallways, classrooms, and areas around the building, including the field, parking lot, and arboretum. Common pixies have polychromatic skin and vibrant hair atop their shrunken heads. These ugly creatures have butterfly-like wings, much smaller than their body. If anyone sees a creature that possesses any of these qualities, immediately report it to the nearest staff member. With all students complying with these simple precautions, the school day should be able to be carried out as normal.

Further updates on the pixie situation will be posted as they become available.

(P.S. This story is “fake news”. Did you believe it?)

Author: Laura Suarez


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